Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Crunchy Grandma vs elder parent caregiver

I don't have time for this post, so to make it quick, I am taking care of my Mother with Alzhiemers because my Dad is in the hospital. Crunchy, gentle, caregiver to elderly parents is a whole new concept for me. I'll blog on it when I have time..........

Monday, May 17, 2010

Gentle Grand-parenting

After reading Gentle Parenting Warrior on Baby Dust Diaries I realize how widespread the notion is that babies and toddlers can be brats or spoiled. I have a friend who says her 1 year old grandson is really spoiled. Another friend says her grandchildren are brats. After seeing Gentle Parenting in practice with my granddaughter I know that her grandson is probably not having all his needs met and that the grandchildren are frustrated and angry at being controlled and disrespected.

My granddaughter is such a sweet person. She is heard and respected and in turn she is content and happy. We create environments that allow her to explore and express herself and in turn she is courageous and friendly. She has the most fun pulling all the plastic bowls and lids out of my cupboard or take all the books off the shelf. We don't teach her that she is being bad for making a mess or a nuisance for causing me a little work. We realize that she is exploring and learning and we accept her curiosity. She thinks it's the most fun to pick up the TV remote and take off just to hear Grandpa playfully threaten to come after her and then bring it right back to him.
We treat Aellyn joyfully and in turn she is full of joy.

Spread the crunch!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Gentle Discipline Warrior too.

I read a condensed version of a book in Readers Digest about a girl named Shirley that grew up with no love and guidance from a parent. Abandoned on the side of the road at six years old by her mother, separated from her brother, unloved by her father and sexually abused as payment for his drugs. At six she lured a three year old boy into the woods, tied him to a tree, and set him on fire.
As a result, she was sentenced to a mental hospital but was placed in a Special Ed class until a space opened up at the facility. This turned out to be Shirley's salvation.
The author is Tory Hayden who was the teacher in the special ed. class. She chronicled her experience with Shirley in that class in her book (One Child) but I read the rest of the story in her second book (The Tigers Child)
Tory found her to be a very bright and very neglected little girl. The story was inspiring because she was able to survive and flourish but I haven't been able to get her off my mind.

I talked to a friend today who's grandson has been abandoned by Children's Services and returned to a bad situation because "the abuse and neglect aren't BAD ENOUGH yet to keep him from his mother".

My heart aches because the world is not such a kind place for every child. Tonight I will pray for those children. What can WE do for them?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The joys of cosleeping

My first experience as a crunchy grandma (besides participating in the birth) was cosleeping with my grandaughter. When she was just a month old, we stayed all night at my daughters house to babysit so her and hubby could have a night away for their aniversary. I wasn't worried about bottle feeding the pumped momjuice or changing diapers (although I was all thumbs and out of practice) but I have to admit I was worried about sleeping in the same bed with her. Grandpa and I both slept with her between us as she was used to and it really helped that the bed was king sized. I did wake up often and listen for her breathing at first but i knew right away that there was no way we could roll over on her or hurt her. I was aware of her warm little body against my back or next to me under my arm and as she was swaddled I didnt have to worry about her being warm. I knew instinctively that she was safe next to me and I didnt have to jump out of bed to check on her in the next room. I do have to confess that I nudged her once until she squirmed just to make sure she was breathing (poor thing). she had a 12am feeding (I warmed the bottle while gpa snuggled with her) and we didn't hear from her again until almost 6am.

Gpa and I are so enjoying watching her grow. I have never seen a more contented and happy child. I am convinced that it is the crunchy life style that is shaping her emotional stability. Her needs are always met, at night she is never alone and it has caused her to be confident and inquisitive and trusting of her family. She even sat on Santas lap without fear at 10 months old. Her parents are supportive of her every moment and We are very proud.

Crunch on!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Introductions are in order

So I am now an official blogger and fairly new convert to crunchy attitudes. My daughters teach me the ways of the new world (social networking and crunchy life style and such). Early on the subject was home schooling. This was very foreign to me at first. How do you socialize a child without school? How do they learn about hard work and schedules and study? Now I know that it's all poppycock. I am glad that Aellyn (my granddaughter) won't be going to public school. She won't be worried about measuring up - or forced to cope with unreasonable expectations. That's how I felt in school. My first memory of kindergarten was of a girl deciding she didn't like me and wouldn't let me play. Aellyn's first experiences have been with Mom and other babies and moms learning age appropriate songs and play. She is happy and brave and friendly.

Nursing, attachment parenting, co'sleeping, baby led feeding, gentle discipline all are new to me having grown up in the 50's - but I am on board. My 50's childhood was very wonderful but I want even more for my family now. So crunch on all you crunchy moms and dads, crunch on.

I think my next post will be about my first experience with co-sleeping.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Carnival of Gentle Discipline: 50's Childhood

50’s Childhood

This post is written for inclusion in the Carnival of Gentle Disciplinehosted by Paige @ Baby Dust Diaries. All week, April 26-30, we will be featuring essays about non-punitive discipline. See the bottom of this post for more information.

When I was around 3 years old I was smacked on the cheek (slapped across the face seems a little harsh) by my father because I wasn’t doing what he was telling me to do. I was holding a large bowl of popcorn with buttery hands and it felt like it was slipping when my dad told me to give it to my bigger sister. My sister put her hands on the bowl, but I was not letting go after being told 2 or 3 times to do so……….and my Dad wanted to teach obedience. Well I let go of the bowl and climbed up on my mothers lap to cry, I think I felt humiliated…..I remember being able to tell that my dad felt bad about doing it but felt that the lesson learned was important.

Now I love my Dad dearly – he has always been my hero – the most honorable and dearest man I have ever known. I was never spanked or hit ever again…and all my memories of my parents are of gentle teaching, love and respect. So I tell you this memory because of another event that has made me think differently about the whole incident ever since.

When I was 56 years old my husband and I were in a Cardiac Rehab Stress Management Therapy session with a wonderful Psychologist at a community hospital. The therapist had us close our eyes and imagine ourselves alone and standing in a spot light on a stage. Then we were to turn into the child we once were – as young as we could remember – and tell our parents what we most wanted to say. To my astonishment I was transported back in time to the scene with my parents and sister having popcorn in the basement celebrating the new play area mom had painted for us. I hadn’t thought of that for years and suddenly I was crying and telling my Dad that I was sorry I didn’t listen to him, that I thought the bowl would fall to the floor and break if I let go, that I loved him and forgave him for hitting me……………………It was very powerful. It bothers me that I didn’t remember the time we all went sled riding on the biggest hill ever and climbed on our bellies on the sled – dad on the bottom, mom on top of him, my sister on top of mom and me on top of my sister and went heads first down that hill laughing all the way, falling off in the snow at the bottom and climbing the big hill to do it again. Why didn’t that come to mind or the many other great times we had together?

I do believe that we need to teach our children, but I ask you…. What will your child remember?

Welcome to the Carnival of Gentle Discipline
Please join us all week, April 26-30, as we explore alternatives to punitive discipline. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month in the USA and April 30th is Spank Out Day USA. In honor of this we have collected a wonderful array of articles and essays about the negative effects of punitive discipline methods, like spanking, and a myriad of effective alternatives.
Are you a Gentle Parent? Put the Badge on your blog or website to spread the word that gentle love works!